What it comes to analysing intergender dynamics, it’s necessary to understand some baseline terminology that is frequently quoted to dissect a proposition. The terms alpha and beta, for instance, are characteristics used to describe the actions, mannerisms and speech of males within the population. When someone throws out the term alpha male, it is usually depicted as some asshole with narcissistic tendencies; in other words, right off that bat it is dismissive of him as a danger to society that should be quarantined. He is feral and should be controlled. It is classic boiler plate shaming. This isn’t to say an alpha is never an asshole. There are plenty of alpha assholes out there, just like there are plenty of asshole betas.
The term alpha male is used to describe the man who has a solid frame of mind that isn’t offended by snarky or dismissive remarks about his choices, e.g. clothing, hair cut, tattoos etc. It is the guy who doesn’t mold himself to identities of those around him to ensure he “fits in”. He is his own mental point of origin. Once this is understood, it is easy to pick up on this behaviour and determine whether someone is an alpha. Subtle and not so subtle cues will be presented both in speech and how he carries himself. Just for the record, a man that has this behaviour may not be an alpha around women; this is just to get an idea of the mindset of a typical alpha.
A common misunderstanding is the term alpha being equated with a stereotype of the population, such as the rugby player, guitar player or weight lifter. In this instance, it is not such a negative to just disabuse and associate the term with an asshole, but it is still a misnomer. Alpha is what is internalised within the male mind and is not representative of a stereotype or any other demographic of the population.
Another common misunderstanding is that men are inherently born alpha, i.e. it is a hard wired into the brain. This is false. The reason a man is either alpha or beta is due to social conditioning during adolescence. His upbringing, schooling etc all mold him into what he becomes later in life. For instance, a guy could have what is called “alpha front”. In other words, what he is presenting to the world is that he is an alpha, and this is true in that he is depicted as such by the people around him. There is, however, more to it than meets the eye. A man can present himself as an alpha to the world, but instinctively be making up for deep insecurities and personal issues. He only has an alpha shell to his character and does not have a healthy ingrained alpha mindset, especially with women. Just because a man is presenting himself as an alpha to society, does not necessarily mean he actually is and could be just an asshole. This guy is still in an inherently better position with women than a beta male. A lot of women date the guy with “alpha front” by misunderstanding him as a true alpha male who can lead a woman healthily and stoically, but he turns out to be an asshole to her. There is a distinct difference between being a dominant healthy alpha male and an asshole.
A lot of alphas are Blue Pill alphas in that they are inherently dominant men but do not understand women. They get into situations with manipulative women that could have easily been avoided. An example being an “unplanned” pregnancy, yet she told the alpha she was on the pill – you connect the dots. These Blue Pill alphas usually lose the girl when she finally gets sick of him and comes to her senses. It usually takes a long time with a high degree of difficulty for her to withdraw herself because she managed to lock down an alpha and, therefore, does not want to lose him, or is afraid she won’t find another one that is willing to commit to her. He’s the one that usually gets dumped in the end and can begin to act beta to get her back due to his Blue Pill conditioning. The Blue Pill alpha gets into toxic relationships and needs to unplug and become a Red Pilled alpha.
A guitar player may depict as alpha in his line of work but be a complete supplicating beta when it comes to intergender relations. He could typically be an alpha around his male associates but supplicating when it comes to the feminine. He would be the guy that suddenly “switches” who he is when it comes to the female. He is the alpha while single, beta when in a relationship guy. He could typically be the guy in a sexless marriage who doesn’t want to “rock the pussy boat” by “upping the alpha to her” as he is afraid of losing his “one and only” as he tries to appease his wife in vain. This guy is a Blue Pill alpha.
On the other hand, a Ballet dancer, who is often incorrectly socially mocked for what he does, could be the most alpha man around, especially when it comes to women. He could be the guy that has a strong sense of self identify with the wife that fucks him every night and if she so happens to stop putting out for whatever reason its “NEXT”. He doesn’t care and the reason behind it doesn’t matter because he knows he has other options. This guy is what the Red Pill community would call a Red Pilled alpha.
The term beta is used to describe the man who identifies in a feminine mindset. He believes women love like he does, i.e. idealistically. Other bloggers have depicted an 80% / 20% ruling of beta / alpha men in society. This is a pretty good general ruling; however, it is inclined to be believed that this is shifting to a 90% / 10% ruling in modern society.
The beta male typically determines that the woman is the prize. He subscribes to the “soul mate” ideology and that there is a special someone for everyone. The bitter Red Pill truth here is that this is false. There is no “one”. There are just men and women. Nobody is “the prize catch”. There are good men and bad men and good woman and bad women, but there is no “one”. It’s societal conditioning of Disney ideals, romance songs and societal conditioning that has turned this man into a beta male. He often loses his sense of identity when in a long term relationship to appease his girlfriend or wife. Usually this is because he is afraid of losing her. A lot of beta behaviour comes down to a mental fear of losing his girl.
Typical beta tells (signs that he is a beta) are unreciprocated coddling with his woman, relaxing into his relationship believing the “hard work is over” because he has found “his one”, sheepish behaviour, darting eyes around a room, follows and does not lead, and tries to appease a woman with rational methods. He is the one that generally has the most frustrations with women, especially highly emotional ones. He just does not understand her. The beta male believes women think exactly like he does. He mimics the affections of how a woman would behave. Again, this is due to his societal conditioning. He is quick to commit and believes buying gifts, playing her songs on the guitar and taking her on vacation are the ways to her heart. He is mistaken.
A woman can sometimes even notice another man picking up on his beta behaviour and give eyes to the man picking up on it with a “come save me” look. She knows that by this other guy noticing she is with a beta that the other guy is an alpha. It’s all about the covert signals because women are covert communicators and men are overt. The beta male doesn’t even realise she is advertising herself to another man right under his nose. A woman’s opportunistic sexual strategy does not care. This often happens in a nightclub environment so put on the Red Pill lenses and watch for beta and alpha tells. Studying the behaviour of others is the best way to understand.
A man excessively smothering their girl with love and attention and her not reciprocating and him asking “you OK babe” or similar to which she replies “I am fine” in a somewhat snarky tone is a golden buzzer of a beta tell. She’s not fine, she’s just pissed her man “doesn’t get it”. She might even be looking around the room, away from him and stare off into a gaze – or worst case at other men. What he doesn’t realise is the irony that his over affections are driving this woman away. She’s with a beta male and she knows it.
If she’s all over him when he’s being affectionate, you know their dynamic is sound. He’s most likely got his relationship beta / alpha balance down solid and she is submissive to him in his frame. He will be alpha indifferent most the time with elements of beta just to remind her he cares. This is the push pull dynamic at play. He is always keeping her guessing as to how much he cares. He is making her ride an emotional highway with his push pull dynamic. It’s the classic “he loves me, he loves me not” she does with the petals on a daisy.
The Alpha Self Certification Misnomer
A common misrepresentation is men self affirming themselves as alpha. It’s almost a manosphere cliché now that men rattling off what makes them an alpha over a beta are inherently beta because no true alpha would ever self diagnose himself as such. The humour in this is self evident; however, this is still a misnomer. It isn’t men themselves that get to decide whether they are an alpha; it is those outside the self. Women, and other men, get to decide if a man is alpha or beta by observing his speech and behaviour. It’s one thing for a man to self certify as an alpha in his own mind, but if he is viewed by women and the wider society as a beta then by default he is a beta. The counter to this, however, is that a man can become aware of what typically makes a man an alpha and begin to change his mindset to that what is generally representative of an alpha; in other words, give himself the best chance of being perceived as an alpha by women and the wider society.
Was That Alpha? Or Was That Beta?
Another common question often poised is whether something a man said or an action they did was an alpha or beta move. The irony of this can actually answer itself. If that which was done is believed by oneself to have been beta, it can almost be guaranteed that it was beta. If that which was done is questioned as to whether it was alpha, it can almost be guaranteed that it was beta. Read that last part again. In other words, alpha just is. Alpha is as alpha does; it does not question whether it was beta or alpha, it just knows that it was by default. Part of unplugging is transitioning to an alpha mindset until it becomes who a man is. This takes time, but it can be done with effort and persistence. Changing oneself is a difficult proposition. This questioning of alpha or beta traits in oneself is a good starting point to ones unplugging.
Social Conditioning, Personality, Identity And Alpha
It has been mentioned prior that it is social conditioning that is what inherently makes beta males who they are. This is true. The more feminising society of the last 60 years or so has taught men to view women as the prize, put women first and play everything nice. A man’s upbringing has conditioned him to do this. It is, however, an inherent let down when it comes to the opposite sex. Think Millhouse in The Simpsons. He is the most frustrated beta male chump out there. This is what conditions men to become beta and supplicating and an inherent turn off to women
To elaborate on this further, it has often been poised as to how alpha traits in a man are influenced by personality and identity, or how personality and identity influence alpha traits. Identity has to do with what you stand for, i.e. your morals and values. Personality has to do with the way you portray yourself and are portrayed by those around you. With this outlined, it can be determined that being alpha is actually categorically different from identity but related to personality. In other words, it does not matter what values you hold but your personality is influenced by alpha traits. This is how alpha traits can be picked up on in personality by others, both men and women. This is why transitioning from a beta to an alpha mindset is going to come with some change in personality.
Why Does It Matter To Be Alpha For Intergender Relations?
The final point to make regarding alpha and beta traits is why it matters when it comes to intergender dynamics. To answer this question, the sexual arousal cues of the female need to be understood.
The scientific study by Martie Haselton can help determine this:
According to strategic pluralism theory (Gangestad & Simpson, 2000), men have evolved to pursue reproductive strategies that are contingent on their value on the mating market. More attractive men accrue reproductive benefits from spending more time seeking multiple mating partners and relatively less time investing in offspring. In contrast, the reproductive effort of less attractive men, who do not have the same mating opportunities, is better allocated to investing heavily in their mates and offspring and spending relatively less time seeking additional mates.
Most alpha men fall into the first category whilst most beta men fall into the latter category. The problem with the beta category of heavy offspring investment is that it relies on a woman’s arousal cues being indoctrinated in “effort put into the relationship”. Rollo Tomassi at The Rational Male calls this “relational equity” or “the myth thereof”. In other words, in relies on a woman’s arousal cues being triggered by things such as chores completed, romantic date nights, picking and dropping the kids up from school etc. This is exactly like saying a woman doing these things is what gets a man aroused by her. It is inherently false. It is a woman’s looks that get a man aroused. A woman’s arousal cues are depicted upon partly visual stimulus, i.e. his looks, but more so towards alpha traits that have been outlined in this blog post. The intrinsic qualities of the beta which are not arousing become more important to a woman towards her 30s when she decides she wants to settle down and her sexual competitiveness diminishes at her epiphany phase.
This is why when a woman wants to settle down she wants the guy with both alpha and beta traits. Unfortunately, these are more often than not unable to be found in the same male. It is what a woman means when she says “where are all the good men gone”. What she is inherently saying is “where is the arousing alpha man that wants to settle down and be a beta provider for me also”. The alphas she is aroused by do not want to settle down. The beta men that do, she turns down. She will say something along the lines of “I want a boyfriend to just love me” but in the next instance reject the beta who would give her the world.
The chants of “not all women are like that” can already be heard, and this will be addressed in later posts because there is truth that “not all women are like that”. It will be addressed, don’t panic!
This blog is not going to get political; it is, however, going to enable men to navigate the femcentric gender landscape we live in today in western societies for both men’s and women’s intergender benefit. It is to make men better men for themselves and women.
Definitions Of Terminology Within The Article
Red Pill Alpha: An unplugged male who understands women.
Blue Pill Alpha: A plugged in male who is an alpha that most likely knows some idea about woman but hasn’t studied Red Pill philosophy. He could definitely benefit from unplugging. He probably subscribes to an ideal of “soul mate” methodology or some other Blue Pill ideal that could get him controlled easily by a manipulative woman. He’s possibly good at getting one night stands. He’s also possibly the guy who is an alpha with friends but beta with women. He can easily switch from Blue Pill Beta to Blue Pill Alpha without knowing.
Beta Male: A plugged in male who usually provides just security to a female. He views women as “the prize” by default of his societal conditioning. He commits easily, believes woman love just like he does and doesn’t understand women. He does not understand his value to women.
Red Pill Lens: How an unplugged man views the world, including intergender dynamics, since unplugging from the “feminine matrix”.
The Feminine Matrix: The society that we grew up in that conditions most men into betas. It is the femcentric society we live in today, developed since the 1960s. It’s the post sexual revolution gender landscape. It’s what men unplug from to understand.
Hypergamy: A woman’s dualistic, opportunistic sexual strategy of short term alpha flings (if her looks can enable it) in her youth before settling into comfortable long term commitment with, usually, a beta when her sexual competitiveness starts to fade. This is usually around 30 to 35, but it is defined when she cannot attract alphas anymore and wants to cash out the sexual market place (SMP). The age a woman “cashes out” is dependent upon her circumstances. Hypergamy is always asking her hind-brain “is he the best I can do”, even in marriage. It is routed in doubt; hence women love very differently to men, who love idealistically. The reason it is routed in doubt is for her to obtain the best males genes for breeding that she can attract. Even if she does not want kids, her hormones dictate to her to find an alpha male, if possible, for breeding.
The Epiphany Phase: The point in a woman’s life when she has an epiphany that she should probably settle down with a male before her fading sexual competitiveness makes her a spinster. This is usually around the age of 30-35 depending on the attractiveness of the woman and her personal sexual market value (SMV). She would ideally like the arousing alpha but is starting to realise she will have to settle with a beta. Urgency kicks in at this stage as well because of her want for children if she so desires them.
Sexual Market Value: The sexual market value of a woman or man. It is the value of a woman or man to the opposite sex. A woman’s is based on her age and looks. A man’s in based on his looks but more so towards his status, age, wealth etc. A man’s SMV is a lot more complicated than a woman’s and will be addressed in later blog posts.
Sexual Market Place: The everyday environment in which gender interactions take place between competing men and women for opposite sex mates. A night club or bar is a classic “meat market” for intergender relations. Coffee shops are other great places.
Beta Tells: Behavioural or verbal cues depicted by a male that indicate he is a beta male.
Alpha Tells: Behavioural or verbal cues depicted by a male that indicate he is an alpha male.
Check out more of my work @Redpillreadings